Crashes and Comebacks

For anyone who has anxiety, I'm sure the term is not unfamiliar. Or if it is, you  have your own term for it. Relaps, falling back, whatever. I call it a crash. The span of time after a major attack when I am more susceptible, therefore having more. For me, the longest it's lasted has been a week, maybe two. But within that week I can have panic attacks daily. Usually though I get a break and have at least one good day.

My most recent crash started on Valentines Day. I went to bed anxious, and woke up sick to my stomach. I'd really hoped that it would go away, but after three hours that hope had vanished. It wouldn't go away in time for me to actually go out and enjoy the plans I'd made for the day. So I cancled them. Plans I had been looking forward to for a month. (side note: that is something that I really hate about anxiety. I cannot count how many times I have backed out of plans or flat out cancled on somebody because i was having a panic attack-or worse, I was scared I would have one)

Valentines was a Saturday. I had attacks the following Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, and Friday. By Saturday, I was so far past fed up that I simply refused to let the anxiousness in my stomach grow to the point of an attack. And I ended up being mostly fine. Yes, I was anxious most of the night, but I had a good time with my Second Family.
Today marks two weeks since that "crash" started, and I am proud to report that it's been at least four days since I've had a panic attack. And that's great, because I was fully expecting to have one this weekend at a concert I went to with the Drama Team. I was anxious most of the night, and more than once I was scared I could feel one coming on, but by God's grace I made it through :-)

Crashes are the most discouraging thing in the world, because you can be doing so well and then *wham*, everything gets turned on it's side for a while. While everything is sideways it can be hard to remember that eventually-and probably sooner than what we think-will soon be right again. It's hard to remind yourself that "this too shall pass" and that everything will be ok again sometime very soon. But sometimes, especially for me, crashes come right before a "comeback". After a crash, I realize that I really am ok. I'm not dying, it's not slowly getting worse, and everything has righted itself again. After a crash I feel more confidant, because I know that though, yes facing that sucks more than I could ever describe, I can make it through. And if I can live through what feels like having a heart attack while sick with the stomach flu, what can I not survive.
And I'm not saying that I feel that way based on ME. I feel that way because I know that God has brought me through once again. He never fails me. No matter what I go through, no matter how many doubts the devil throws at me, I know that God is always with me. I know that I am in His hands, and that He will never forsake me in my time of need.