Discouragement

Discouragement sucks, trust me, I've had to face it about 50million times. (Ok, probably not that many....but you know what I mean.) And when you have anxiety, any aspect of disappointment or "failure" in you're anxiety, it can feel like the end of the world-making it difficult to see why you should continue fighting it at all. But the thing is.....it doesn't last long afterwards.

Sure. During the attack it's the worst thing in the world. You feel helpless and you want to scream-wondering why God would plan it for you to have to deal with it. Or worse, feeling that with every attack-that you can't really control at all-you tell God "no, I don't trust you."

But what about after? What about when you wake up the next morning? Do you still fell that way?

I don't.

Yes, with every attack I feel more discouraged, but that gives me motivation to fight harder and longer. 

But I also understand that discouragement, after seemingly so long with no "setbacks".....can really suck.

Last night, for example.

When I came home from work, I was sick to my stomach. I tried hard to eat, but couldn't get past a bite or two.

While I was trying to watch a movie with my family and my sisters friend, I suddenly had to get up. I went to my room and paced.

Back and forth, back and forth, back and forth... Trying to get the physical sensations to go away.

Mentally I was fine. I wasn't scared of anything, but I was tired, stressed, hot, and ticked off due to something earlier in the day. I ended up sitting on the floor in my closet, bawling my eyes out into my pillow. And to top off the embarrassment and frustration, my dad walked in on me. So I had to explain to him what was going on. I hate that. I hate having to explain crap like that. Because no matter how many times it happens, if I am around people, I am going to be embarrassed.

I was so discouraged , disheartened, that as soon as I could I crawled into bed with no intention of speaking to anyone until morning.

And ya know what? Morning. Came.

I got up, got ready, and went to work. 

I was still discouraged, I was still sad, but I was more determined to fight like heck for what I want.

Freedom from my Anxiety.