Two major things have gone down in the past month, and to be honest I am very proud of myself for taking the steps that I did. Well, actually, I'm thankful. Because while I say that I am "proud of myself", I realize that I never would have been able to accomplish these tasks without God's hand holding me firmly up.
I was so nervous about taking a trip to Branson with Cheryl that I was unable to eat more than a few crackers before we left at nearly
We got changed and ready for our show and made our way to the theatre. I was so excited, and we were right smack on the front row! I could have exploded from happiness. I was devastated-along with the many children that were dressed up for the show-to discover that because of an accident, the show had been canceled. So we waited in line to get the tickets exchanged and then went back to the hotel to change. Since we had time we didn't think we'd have, we decided to swap nights and go to the landing to see the fountain show.
While we were there we scoped out some places we could go the next day, including an old time photo shop. That, we made a mental note of to return the next morning. It wasn't until we were standing and watching the light show that my anxious thoughts started to catch up with me. I remember looking over at her and thinking something like "we are in Branson. We are an hour away from home. I'm not going home tonight." And that is when the anxious feelings started to take hold.
I was thankful that as we started back towards the car that it started to rain. It helped me to relax a bit, and I had fun running around getting wet. Cheryl just laughed because she'd never seen me stop and just look up in the rain before.
I was ok in the car, we listened to music and had a grand old time as we waited in traffic to get around an accident on the roundabout. It wasn't until we got back to the hotel, and in the elevator, that I realized and acknowledged what I was feeling. Immediately upon entering I set my purse on a shelf and started searching for my lemon balm extract. I found it and quickly poured it, but it was several minutes before I was able to actually take it. I as afraid of taking it and then throwing it right back up.
I paced around for several minutes, even running to the bathroom in fear, before I finally felt like I would be able to keep it down.
Taking that always has an odd effect on me. I don't think it's the balm itself, but more of just knowing that I've taken something. It feels different, like it could possibly backfire, and usually takes around ten to fifteen minutes before I feel like I have complete grasp on myself again.
In those minnutes that night I paced back and forth and tried to talk and laugh with Cheryl, and she was so caring and gentle. We sat on the bed and she brushed my hair, and then we sat on the couch and just talked and rested. She put her arm around me and let me just rest my head on her shoulder, doing her best to keep things "mellow and relaxed" as she said later. I could have fallen asleep right there, but I knew that if I did she wouldn't have wanted to move and wake me.
When we finally did go to bed, I was so tired. I plopped down knowing that I wasn't going to sleep and fully accepting of that fact. I laid in bed and just thought and imagined, dozing for a few minutes here and there. I was so happy when morning finally rolled around and Jalinn came up.
We ate and then walked around campus as she showed us her new world. It was nice to have a visual of the places she'll tell me about.
When she finally had to leave for work, Cheryl and I packed up our things and from into town for a day of shopping.
At the Landing, we got our pictures taken in an old time photo shop and went to get my ear pierced. On a whim, Cheryl got hers pierced too! It was a very cool experience to share with her.
As we continued to walk around, we happened to be passing the fountain as the water show started. It was the national anthem.
We stopped and respectfully placed our hands over our hearts, but as I watched the water, her focus was on something else.
An elderly gentleman had been sitting on a bench, but stood at attention as the song began to play. When it ended, he sat back down. We walked over to him and saw on his hat that he was in the Vietnam war.
We both shook his hand and told him we were thankful for his service to our country. His eyes filled with tears as he thanked us for coming up to him. This was by far a highlight of our day.
After eating lunch at a Greek place, we continued to shop at a couple of old stores and then the Tanger outlets. We both found several things we liked, and were completely worn out by the time we arrived at the restaurant for dinner.
I ended up having a panic attack that started during dinner and lasted well into the first act of "The Little Mermaid". In spite of how I was feeling and all the fleeting thoughts that ran through my mind, I was able to stay focused on the fact that it was /only/ a physical reaction to a situation wrongly perceived by my body.
We sat in the back of the theatre where I was able to stand and pace around until the show started. It was so difficult to sit still, but I managed to let myself get lost in the magic of it all. I felt like a small child as I watched with eyes full of wonder.
I fell asleep on the ride home, a fact of which I am slightly embarrassed. It was late, it had been a long day, and I was supposed to have helped Cheryl stay awake. I really only thought I'd been asleep for a few minutes, but when I woke up we were on familiar roads.
The weekend was amazing, everything included, and I am so blessed.
The second thing was camp. But more about that in my next post.
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