A Little Bit About Me

Hi :)

My name is Alex and I'm in my third year of high school. I've struggled with anxious symptoms since is was about 11 years old.

In my next entry I'll get into more of what those are like.

For now, here's some info about me.

I grew up in small town America with my mom, dad, sister, and brother.

Just a little before my 11th birthday, my mother passed away unexpectedly. It was a shock to my entire family, and it left everyone shaken. It left me unsure of the God that I thought I'd known my entire life.

Three entire years of my life are a complete blur to me, with small details that sometimes come to mind.

About three and a half years ago is when things really started to get worse.

I'd get sick all the time. I hated going to church because I was always anxious on the 45 minute drive there, I was always anxious when I was there, and on the drive back. And this was multiple times a week.

The reason is...I was having trouble trusting God. I mean, I think I wanted to...but I was still upset that He had taken my mother from us so suddenly.

In November of 2011 my family moved from a small town in Kansas to...the Ozarks.

Needless to say, I was not especially happy with this move. But it meant a job for dad and a new start for me and my siblings...so for the most part I held my peace.

It was a long end of the year and holiday season. The days seemed to drag on and on in an endless and quite frankly boring blur. But then, Friday Febuary 24th in 2012...it all changed.

There was a youth activity, an all nighter, and I reluctantly went to please my father. That night is the night that I accepted Christ as my Saviour.

Nothing new really jumped out at me then, but as I listened and sat through the invitation I knew in my heart that I couldn't live like this anymore. Always worried and fearing death, fearing Hell. (Which is a VERY real place)

I prayed with one of the adults, and now-most of the time-I have the peace of mind and heart that I so longed for as a child.

Yes I still struggle with doubt sometimes, but I believe with all my heart that I am a child of God. His Princess to watch over and love.

Now this doesn't mean that my anxiety went away, on the contrary Satan grips me every day with anxious thoughts and symptoms. Sometimes I can overcome them-with God's help-and continue on with my plans. But sometimes...sometimes they keep me from doing the things that I love. And while those days are discouraging, the days that I manage to make it through are ones that I look back on and draw strength from.

My life changed soon after my Salvation. God brought people into my life to help me along on my new-and very unsteady-walk with Him.

My mentors, if you will, that are more than friends to me. They're family.

My Spiritual Mom and my Spiritual Sister.

I love them both, and I am learning the attributes of a good Christian from them. Learning how to be a Godly mother and wife. And learning to trust in The Lord for all my needs-both great and small.

I'm not saying that it's easy, but it's easier now that I have Christ on my side.