Walkin Home

Ok, so over the past two Sundays my church's drama team (Break of Day Players) has put on a play called "Walkin Home" at both our home church and at another. I waited until both productions were over before writing.

Both productions required a lot of work. And I mean a LOT of work.

Hours of makeup, hours of set preparation, and months of rehearsals for the actors.

I was given an "official" title right before the first production. Apparently I am stage manager. Not that I'm letting it go to my head...but I really like the sound of that. Even though sometimes I feel like I do more harm than good. I can't seem to shake the feeling that if I am not doing something I'm just in the way. So I try to stay busy...and end up running around like a mad woman.

But boy do I have fun doing it. I love serving, and I know that even of I don't FEEL like I'm doing anything...I actually am helping.

The first day, I was running around until about ten minutes till show time, and when I finally got backstage my heart was racing from the running and I was anxious, so I had to get myself to calm down so I could concentrate. It took a while, but the panic went away and I had an amazing night.

The only thing that went wrong, and almost brought me to tears of anger at myself, was that I was so warped up in helping someone who was nervous, I forgot to have a prop ready and one of the actors got on stage late. I was SO thankful that the other actor was able to cover for a few seconds until they were ready.

I was able to pray with and encourage one of the girls who was crazy nervous about having to play guitar and sing at the end. This is an opertunity I never would have had if I'd been on stage like I wanted to be.

(This summer I was emotional, unstable, and upset regarding the decision to try out for the drama team. Just when I was sure that it was what God wanted me to do, I discovered that I wouldn't be able to without breaking a comitment I had already made. I'll unashamedly say that I bawled the night I found out. And for a day or two after.)

So I wasn't an actor. But I wanted to be back stage. I wanted to have SOME part in it because...well the group of crazies are my family! I wanted to be with them and I wanted to see my Mama Bear in her element. I LOVE watching her direct.

So I volunteered.

And that first night as I was sitting back stage by myself...I realized something.

I didn't WANT to be on stage. I didn't WANT anyone to know what I was doing.

I was content-more than that, I was happy and excited-to be working behind the scenes where no one could see me. Quietly serving and helping others.

It was the most amazing night of my life. 

Second production: Today we left church and loaded into vans to go to the other church across town. After we ate there we set up the stage and started on makeup. We didn't really have a lot of down time, I was almost constantly running around. The one time I actually sat down it only lasted for like five minutes before I jumped up, remembering a whole list of things I still had to do.

I went back stage for the rehearsal and sat down, but immediately had to stand back up because of attack symptoms. I momentarily freaked out because I could not afford to have a panic attack right then.

I was texting a friend, so I told her and she prayed for me. Almost instantly I began feeling better. I paced around for a while, and by the time practice ended I had almost forgotten I'd nearly had an attack.

Then it was more running around and finishing makeup and corralling everyone backstage.

I could not get them to be quiet. The adults even, I told like four times to please be quiet. Oi. I know they are adults, but they'd been telling me I was in charge of backstage! I was so confused as to what to do that I finally just gave up and let Jenn tell them to hush when it was time.

I think the kids did really well with being quiet though. Yes there were laughs and whispers and the occasional random noise (more than a few accidently caused by me) but over all it went well.

I still had my freak out at the beginning and even part way through, scratching at my arm to make the anxiety get lost. But God did an amazing work.

Through the crew, through the acting, through the testimony, and through the song at the end.

My "sister" gave her testimony. It was very emotional for her. The whole play was. More than once she broke down backstage, and it killed me to see her like that. I can't take away her pain or her memories of that awful time, no matter how much I wish I could.

But her testimony is an amazing one for Christ. And anyone who knows her, knows this to be true.

I am so thankful for God's hand in her life, and in all of our lives.

He did a great work through all of us, and I am so blessed to be able to be a part of it all. I am humbled and amazed and I cannot wait to see what He does next through this amazing team!