Even just the small and most off hand of comments that probay no one really gives a second thought...it takes me weeks to get over it if I say or do something stupid. Or if I make a mistake, or mess something up.
My thoughts tell me, more so, they completely convince me, that I am anything but needed. That I am in the way. That I should never have said something like that, I'm such an idiot for saying that, what will they think now?
They tell me I'm worthless and useless, at the times I am most vulnerable.
Lately they tell me that I'm not pretty enough. I've always known I'm never going to look like the girls on the cover of magazines, but recently I don't like leaving the house without makeup and hair done. And if I leave the house without it, I hate looking in the mirror. Or being in a picture. My thoughts convince that I'm not as good without the makeup or the hair done.
Some days I can't escape it, and I begin to believe all the thoughts that swarm in my mind. Then I get depressed, and end up in bed not wanting to do anything. Yet nothing I can do makes the thoughts go away. Makes the demons leave me be.
God is the only one who can pull me out of days like that, with a desperate prayer, a plea for help, He is at my side. No friend has ever pulled me out of a day or mood like that. They have made me laugh, but not pulled me out.
I am thankful for my Daddy God who is always there to help me. To protect me.
If I knew any verses by heart that talked about this, I would share them. But I hold to the promise that He will never leave me or forsake me. I hold to the fact that I am precious in His eyes. And really, that is all I should care about.
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